New Years


There are have been many questions asked over the last year that are simple and innocent in nature, but they are so very hard for us to answer.  The most common is how many kids do you have?  I always answer 2.  When they ask how old I give Ayden’s age and say the other is in heaven, she was 7 almost 8.  Just because she is in heaven doesn’t mean she was never here or that I love her any less than I love my son.  I love them both equally but in different ways because there are many forms of love.  I love my daughter by remembering, wearing her necklace and ashes, by trying to make a difference with something she had problems with, and by making sure she is present in all that I do.  She is still a part of me.  I hang on to all of her items, her pictures, the home movies, and all the memories I have of her.  My love for my daughter is shown by hanging on no matter what.

I love my son as much but differently.  I know what is in the world, the dangers of it, and all the harm that can enter your life at a moment’s notice.  My love for him is shown in the way I don’t hang on, but let go.  I let him into the world.  I try and teach him all of the things that you can’t find in a book or school.  These are the things that matter.  Most of these are simple things like manners and being respectful.   Some are harder like that you should do what you think is right, because it is right regardless of the costs.   The hardest is what money can and can’t buy, because as you get older this one is what people forget the most.  I don’t try and hide him to protect him, I try and arm him as best I can and prepare him so that he can be part of this world, because I love him.   I shield him as much as I can until he is old enough to stand on his own, and then hope that life is kind to him.

Today is our New Years, there are no parties or joyous celebrations.  There is just remembering, eating blueberry muffins, and eating sherbet.  When I gave my daughter’s eulogy I talked of the disproportionate balance that I felt and a need to compensate for it in some way.   This website and what it stands for is a testament to that.  However, it is just merely a start.  As we work towards a balance, that for us will never happen, I hope that the information you have found and will find makes a difference in your lives.  It has made a difference in ours.  Happy New Years.


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