I am up at 5 am this morning, thinking about my girl.  Thinking of how she would have loved this time of year and all that goes along with it.  And how it is so hard not to have her here with us.  How we will get through the holidays with her as an angel is something I wake up everyday and think about. We have a grief retreat today and that will be good.  Good to spend time figuring out how to live a new life, a different life, maybe a new purpose in life.

We shy away from new, from change.  It seems that daily, my life is just that–new, change, different.  Those of us who can somehow figure out how to navigate that may someday consider themselves “happy”.

Happy.  We seek it.  It is our goal.  Do many achieve it?  I think we look at it the wrong way, but I need daily reminders of this. Happy.  Not a goal, but a way of being.  Enjoying the process, not the goal right?  Easier said than done.
Happy.  It seems that sometimes I have forgotten how.  I will remember.